This past week I heard from an old graduate school buddy whom I adored. It was a trio: Mark, Paul, and Me (sounds like a rock band, doesn't it?). We were in classes together; studied together; pulled all-nighters together; and spent a lot of time at Boone Drug eating lunch -- grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup and sweet tea. Mark and I were each married; Paul wasn't. It was one of those relationships that you didn't want to see end. Yet, after graduation, we each returned to our normal life -- Mark back to his family in Kentucky; me to the farm; Paul to South Carolina to look for work. We wrote and talked for a while, but, as life gets busy, one gets lost and looses those connections.
Flash forward ten years. Out of the clear blue I got a wonderful email: "Is this you?" Seems Mark and Paul found me through the blog. I was thrilled to hear from Paul and to catch up. We tried for three Fridays to catch each other on the phone, but something always kept us from talking, until last week.
I knew his voice immediately. "Hey!" and it was just as though we had just left the drug store from lunch.
"Mark found you; he said you have gone religious and organic," Paul laughed.
Hmmm... Interesting evaluation of who I am. And, frankly, who I have always been.
How many times do we judge people based on our own values rather than taking the time to learn who they are? How many hours do we spend with people and yet never really know what they dream, desire, or need? And, how many people do we pigeon hole without ever knowing the true substance of their heart, soul, and intellect?
Most of my life it has felt as though I have been overlooked. It seems no one values my opinion nor wants to hear what I want. It is always what they want. If I offer advice or an opinion, I am talked over and told Why I Am Wrong. My pitcher is full.
Yes, I am religious. Yes, I am organic. And, yes, I have a dreams, hopes, and desires of my own. Don't you?
Amen Matty! Sometimes it seems that those that claim to be the most open-minded are the most judgmental.
ReplyDeleteI think there are very few people who will ever really know who we are. I've learned that deep thoughts and ideas are lost on those with shallow minds. So, those people have a very shallow understanding of who I am. But, there are a few who take the time to really know you.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying reading your thoughts and expressions here on your blog. I think you'd be a very fun person to know.
What are your dreams?
Hi Matty, I know you must have really been disappointed to hear your old friend make such a flippant comment about something that is so important to you. It is insensitive to try and sum up a decade of some one's life in two words.
ReplyDeleteHe was probably trying to be funny and he made light of something that really shouldn't be joked about. I agree with Mrs. Bee and Brenda. Even people we love very much sometimes will not understand us on the deep level we wish they would. It doesn't mean though, that they don't care about you or that what you had in the past was not "sincere" or real.
They just look at the world in a surface kind of way. I went through this same kind of situation and found the only answer was to keep being true to my own nature. Our families, friends and the world need people who look at life a little more sensitively and deeply. I have been reading your blog for the last couple of weeks and really enjoy it. Your posts are all interesting, and creative. I appreciate the compassion you show in speaking about your animals and your wonderful sense of humor. Delisa :)