Dear New Jersey,
Been a while since you heard from me, I know. However, since we broke up, I haven't been eager to mend fences. Until today. Today I learned that you are not the worse place in the world to drive. I know; last time we met I told you that you had poor customer service, your roads were badly marked and poorly maintained. And, I vowed to never drive through you ever again. Today, I apologize. Houston is the worst place in the world to drive.
After sitting in traffic for nearly an hour, I discovered the lane was marked incorrectly and I had to move over three lanes in stopped traffic. Folks here are nice, granted, but the stress lead to a disturbing display of temper that I am ashamed to admit to here. Don slouched into the floor when I opened the window and shouted to all of Houston: "Why do you live here? What sense does it make to have a city where people cannot get home in a decent amount of time? Why do you people put up with this? Who is in charge of this mess? Fire 'em!" I confess, I don't even remember everything I said, but I know that folks were more than eager to let me cross traffic. They understood.
And, so, New Jersey, I'd like to be your, er, well-wishing friend. This means that we don't have to exchange birthday cards or even go to the same parties. We shall just not wish each other any harm. Please do not think, though, that I will drive your roads again. Frankly, you have moved to number two on my list of places I will never drive again. Houston has taken your place at number one.
Don't look so smug, New York. You are still in the top five.
Wishing you well,