Friday, October 21, 2011

Women Unite! We Need A Little Revolution!

This is a brief missive as I have spent the last twenty minutes wrassling myself into my winter tights. How many times have you bought hose or tights that are listed as "Size D: Women 5'9" between 180-220 pounds" only to find that they won't stretch over your 5'5" size 14 body? How many times have you gotten your hose on only to discover you need One More Potty Break, but you try to ignore it because you don't think the bathroom stall has enough wiggle room for you to fight those things back up, albeit halfway what the first battle covered? How many times have you gotten your hose or tights settled and then taken a step or two and learned they were crooked? And then you had to make the decision: Do I flop on the bed to try to fight them back on straight or just learn to sway a little so they aren't so blasted miserable?

Is this you, friend?

Then, join me in a tight and panty hose revolution! It is time, ladies, that we unite and demand, yeah, even scream, that the men who design these medieval torture devises must squeeze themselves into something that starts out the size of my wallet. It is time, women, that we send these nasty little guys back to their Makers! Females everywhere, it is time that the manufacturers get it right! All women are not six feet tall and weigh twelve pounds and have no thighs! That is what makes us beautiful -- our thighs, our hips, our little round bellies that will never be flat after that last baby that weight nine pounds!

We demand that manufacturers acknowledge our bumps and imperfections by making tights and hose that are STRETCHY and will accommodate the least of our sisters as well as the greatest of them.

We demand that the colour be what is on the package. What is the difference between "nude" and "natural" anyhow?

We demand that there be an OBVIOUS front and back to our panty portion of the hose. Nothing is worse than getting the behind before and not having time to fix the problem and then walk around all day with the back end slipping down, down, down.

We demand that hose be manufactured without the twist factor! This speaks for itself...

We demand that the toes be grafted and not sewn with a thick seam that either renders our toe tips numb or requires a larger pair of shoes!

We demand that packaging indicate the TRUE size of the nylon and not the speculated one!

Sisters, join me! This is a fight worthy of our time and efforts! This has been too long in coming! Now is the time! Now is the time to end panty hose tyranny! Now is the time for us to declare our independence from the random whimsey of those who seek to enslave us to a five ounce garment! Pick up your hose and let's occupy Hanes, Worthington, and L'eggs! Let's demand our rights! Who's with me??

Give me a sec, won't you? Seems I have my hose on crooked... carry on, people...


  1. LOL!!!!!!

    I'm in! I have my Taupe Control-Tops hoisted on my pitchfork and I'm ready for battle!

  2. You can count on me, baby!! Currently I'm "in-between" sizes...which is a handy euphemism for "I've gained weight, but still try to hang onto a thinner past". Tights and I are not friends. If I can get them up to my waist-line, I've succeeded in stretching them out so much that the crotch is now sagging around my knees. The waist band either won't fit around my waist...thus stopping all breathing capabilities, or just keeps falling under that rounded tummy (thanks, Sam and Ben!)
    You've galvanized me...just let me do up the button on my stretchy jeans and I'll be right with you!

  3. I gave up the "joy" of panty hose and tights a long time ago because I never fit into their size catagories!! besides I have pale skin.. Their colors are NOT natural for me ever un less its bright white!!LOL. In the winter I wear leggings under my skirts with comfy socks and my Ariat Fat Baby boots!.. Much warmer and more comfortable.. Summer time I have dressy flipflops/sandals for dressing up. No more Twisted Hosiery for me!! My girls either! My oldest girl would be downright miserable when she was younger and I made her wear tights! To the point of tears!!! She also cant stand the line in them or socks!Lol

  4. Hi Matty, I'm really feeling you here on this one! You described the panty hose situation exactly! I don't wear panty hose any more. When I got the blood clots in my leg I started having to wear compression stockings, they are like knee highs, "nude" "natural" in color and are very thick. So I had to change the kind of dresses and skirts I wear. I also have to make sure they don't have too high of a slit in the back because the bare leg above the stockings will show. Not a pretty sight. I also have to wear closed toed shoes because the stockings look really ugly with sandals. Sigh. But I have adjusted to it now and they really help the pain in my legs, which is worth the trade off. Its nice too not having to deal with the tight panty hose during our hot and humid Georgia summers! Great post! Delisa :)


Thanks for dropping in on the farm today! I enjoy your comments!