Unsettled and Changing

People wish to be settled.

It is only as far as they are unsettled that there is any hope for them. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life

which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.

Henry David Thoreau, Walden

 

Tell me, 

what is it you plan to do

with your one wild, precious life? 

Mary Oliver

We are born to fulfill a role in this world and then, hopefully, leave the world better than it was before we took our few precious breaths and then departed. Sometimes, we are thrust into these roles; sometimes, we fail to listen to our heart; and, sometimes, we flow with the river around us because it demands so little. 

But the day comes when, as Mary Oliver writes in "The Journey": 

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save

the only life you could save.

 As for me, I am looking for the stars...  What about you?

Say it isn't so...

A rogue deer attacked the Goat Mobile. While usually a Forester would trump a deer, this time both were casualties.

Now the question becomes: another Forester or a new truck? Remember, I have a wonderful 1976 Ford, but the smell of a new one... well.... I think that covers it!

What do you think??

Choices

Last night I had a very long, pleasant instant message conversation with He Who Didn't Know Me. He did remember me, just not by my name now. So funny.

As we talked, I thought about all the choices we make in our life. One seemingly small thing adds up to a very big thing over time. It is like saving money. Buy the latte or not? Spend $8 a day on something for two years and you have spent nearly $6000. Or, save it for two years and in a few years you have some serious money.

I sat up late after we talked, reading my devotional for the night (Luke 8 -- Jesus resurrecting Jairus' daughter). In the story, you recall, Jesus is asked by Jairus to come help his sick daughter. When they are still traveling, word is received that the daughter was dead. Jesus continues and restores her life, instructing the family to feed her and not tell what happened.

This speaks to me deeply.

First, Jairus' faith that Jesus could help. How many times have we had it in our power to help another? And, how many times have we needed help and wouldn't ask? One of the greatest joys we should have in life is supporting others and watching them grow and change. It isn't weak to seek support and encouragement. It is brave to be able to say, "I can't do this alone."

Second, when all seems lost and the child is dead, Jesus and Jairus continued on. How many times have we given up when maybe we shouldn't have? I know here on Lazy Bee Farm, I had given up ever doing more than feeding the deer. However, two years ago, I got a fire in me and decided to give it a go. Every day, progress is made. And, sometimes, there is a failure. However, I can't wait to see what next year brings regardless of the loss!

Third, when the daughter was resurrected, Jesus instructed Jairus to feed the girl. Nourishment of all kinds is restorative. While our bodies need a variety of foods, so do our brains. Chip Ingram has said a life lived in front of the TV watching reality programs is not a life. And, by the way, the reality program isn't reality. We need to feed ourselves nourishing foods that make us better, not make us sick, physically or mentally.

And last, Jairus was told to keep the news to himself. There is power and energy in not telling all we know. Practice discernment when telling information. Make sure it isn't gossip. We should ask, "Is this going to help or hurt that person?"

I started by mentioning how my devotion connected with my interesting conversation. While our relationship was torrid, many good things came from it. Without it, I would not have become who I am and would not know this life's happiness. I am grateful for the experience and grateful that 30-plus years later, I can truthfully say, I am glad we knew each other.

We Have Met the Enemy

cartoon from: Wikipedia.com

Did you see the news report about loneliness being contagious? Yeppers. It is. As I thought about it this week, I realize that what Grandmother said was true: "You are known by the company you keep." Of course, what she meant was that if you hang out with bums, you will be known as a bum. But, the truth is, behavior is contagious.

Have you ever noticed that if you hang out with folks who don't exercise, it is easier not to exercise? If you spend time with folks who shop till they drop, you most likely do, too? If you associate with those who sleep too much, there is a good chance you will, too? If we hang out with complainers, we complain. If our friends have half-full glasses, we have half-full glasses. They procrastinate; we procrastinate. Holey moley, it is an epidemic that leaves H1N1 looking like a featherweight at the heavy weight championship.

I've thought a great deal about this all week. And I have watched the people I spend a lot of time with. I don't like what I am learning about myself. This isn't to shift responsibility for my choices to another's shoulders. Certainly not. I am over 21 and certainly been around the block more than once, even if it was in a Datsun. No. Actually I am thinking about how, at my mid-life (I hate that term) that I am not who I thought I would be at this point in my life.

Wouldn't it be nice to have the chance to do live youth again with better common sense? But, isn't it wonderful that we have the choice to make better decisions from today onward? And, knowing that I am known by the company I keep, isn't it refreshing to know that I can choose to be known in spite of the company I keep? As Pogo said: "We have met the enemy and it is us." The choice is ours; what will we do with it?

Principles??

Today I taught Henry Thoreau's "Life Without Principles" to my sophomore college English students and the response was very interesting. For those who haven't read it or aren't interested in finding it to read, the premise of the essay is that we make the choices of how we spend our lives --- for things or for values. Thoreau argues that we should make a life and not just a living. He states that we should never compromise our values for stuff. What a timely essay to read right after Thanksgiving, don't you think? Cunning plan, wasn't it?

The first thing asked of each class was how many folks had a cell phone. Everyone raised their hand. They wrote down the total cost for their service and then had to divide it by their hourly wage. Or, if they didn't work, they were to use the state minimum wage. Then, they had to do the same with their car, insurance, and gasoline. There were a lot of gasps!

Next, they wrote down how much time they spend per week in class and multiplied it the same way, by the hourly wage, and then times four for the entire month.

Now, I posed, the first total figure is a debit. You spend it and never get anything back for it. When you use it, it is gone. Now, look at the education column; it is a credit. I asked: Does it go away when you are done? Which is the better value? More gasps.

Lastly, they had to write a journal entry of how they would rather spend their time instead of working for things. There was a lot of silence and thinking going on; I had to wonder how many went home to share this new concept with their parents.

Before you think I am brilliant, let me share that I did it, too. I wrote down my numbers and was quite surprised that, confidentially, I am making some pretty suspect choices myself. In fact, I had a hard talk with myself on the way home. I hope I was listening!

While the students may not remember a lot about American Literature, I suspect that this is a lesson that may just stay with them. And, perhaps, they will be happier than most. I hope.

When I Consider...

When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask; But patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at His bidding speed
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait."
John Milton, "When I Consider How My Light Is Spent"

I am in a reflective state of mind today; it has been a tedious week and it is difficult, sometimes, to find joy in such a week. And, while I can't put my finger exactly on what is troubling me, I think it has to do with those things that we can't fix; the world is too much with us.

And, yet, there is such joy around us. Brenda's post or Clarice's post this morning reminds me of that. Each of us, regardless of how powerless or depressed or rich or poor, can make the world a more loving place. While Milton wrote this when his eyesight was failing (how did he write Paradise Lost when completely, utterly blind??), it is actually a fine reminder of how we choose to live our life.

Shall we love and help each other?
Shall we be bitter?
Shall we speak softly and with kindness?
Shall we yell, cry, and spew meanness?

Today, I am considering just how my light is spent. Are you?