Everywhere I look, people are excited, decorating, happy, celebrating, spending too much, shopping, shopping, shopping... And me?
Christmas has never been a big favorite of mine. Too much pressure to "be perfect", whatever that is. Yet, when the Airman was growing up, it was a wonderful time. I couldn't start soon enough. We baked. Decorated. Went to movies. Watched movies. Walked. Talked. And just had a marvelous time.
I miss that.
I have no desire to decorate, bake, shop, eat (more than the coffee ice cream with chocolate bits that I had for lunch), or do much of anything else. In short, I am blue. More than blue; I am a dark hole with no bottom.
Don't get me wrong. I really do want to feel all this blustery excitement, but it just isn't in me. Instead, I want to crawl into my unmade bed, wearing the jammies I have worn for two days, and pull the covers over my head and wake up in spring.
I have really tried. Truly. My shopping is done. And that is all I have in me.
Being blue isn't a new thing for me; heck, let's face it. We all have it. But this dark hole is harder than anything I can see my way out.